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21 September 2009 @ 12:36 am
PORN* FOR GREAT JUSTICE.  
SO AS WE ALL KNOW, STEPHEN COLBERT WAS HORRIBLY ROBBED OF THREE (FOUR, REALLY) AWARDS THAT WERE RIGHTFULLY HIS, AND SO SEVERAL OTHERS AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT IT IS OUR SOLEMN DUTY TO GET THE POOR DEAR FICTITIOUSLY LAID A WHOLE BUNCH, YAY.

BASICALLY, THIS FUNCTIONS LIKE A KINK MEME.

THE ONLY REQUIREMENT IS THAT YOUR FIC MUST FEATURE STEPHEN COLBERT OR "STEPHEN COLBERT" HAVING AN ORGASM, PREFERABLY AN AMAZING ONE. PROMPT EACH OTHER, OR JUST COMMIT RANDOM ACTS OF PORN OF YOUR OWN VOLITION.

AND REMEMBER, WHEN YOU DROP OUT OF COMMENT FIC PORNFESTS, NOT ONLY ARE YOU LETTING YOURSELF DOWN, YOU'RE LETTING YOUR COUNTRY DOWN. >:|

OKAY GO.

*EDT: ON SECOND THOUGHT, I HAVE DECIDED TO AMEND THE RULES TO INCLUDE FICS WITH CUDDLING/NON SEXUAL COMFORT TECHNIQUES BECUASE HE DESERVES TO FEEL BETTER IN AS MANY WAYS AS POSSIBLE REALLY 
 
 
 
Lon Chaney's kid brother: OMGHONEYaybara_max on September 21st, 2009 04:45 am (UTC)
I REQUIRE PROMPTS! DO ME!
sirdrakesheirsirdrakesheir on September 21st, 2009 04:45 am (UTC)
LOL SO PREDICATBLE
AMY/STEPHEN/PAUL WITH STEPHEN IN THE MIDDLE

OTHER THAN THAT I DON'T REALLY CARE
Lon Chaney's kid brother: OMGHONEYaybara_max on September 21st, 2009 06:15 am (UTC)
Re: LOL SO PREDICATBLE
holy fuck you got me to write porn...this is going to take awhile

OH MY GOD. I wrote Amy/Paul/Jon/Stephen porn (because I don't know how to write without Jon? IDK) D: it's not finished yet but I have to go to sleep (and it is so dirty I'm embarrassed)


Edited at 2009-09-21 08:17 am (UTC)
Re: LOL SO PREDICATBLE - aybara_max on September 23rd, 2009 05:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!sailorptah on September 21st, 2009 01:21 pm (UTC)
"Jon, I don't think I'm going to come back to the room right away."

It was said all in one breath, and at first Jon was relieved: it was the first thing Stephen had said since climbing into the car. Then he did a double-take. "Wait, why?"

Stephen rested his clenched fists on his knees. Or maybe his hands were in some kind of lotus position. It was hard to tell. "Well, I...I have a little bit of anger and frustration to work through right now. So it would probably be best if I just let myself into the executive lounge and meditated for a while. Or did some yoga. Something to help me find my center again."

His articulation was hardly surprising, even after making the rounds on the party circuit: Stephen had the alcohol tolerance of a mule. Jon, who had a nice buzz going, settled back against the leather and remarked, "Or you could throw me down on the bed and fuck me into the mattress."

Stephen looked up at him with a start. "That wouldn't be a good idea," he breathed, streetlights glittering hungrily off his eyes. "The way I feel right now...you'd probably end up...bruised."

"Well, somebody oughta be, after the way tonight went down," said Jon philosophically. "Why not me?"

"You don't deserve that," insisted Stephen. "You shouldn't be punished just because somebody else voted to give you an award."

Jon considered this, then unbuckled his seatbelt.

After years of watching his words around Stephen, of always having to keep an eye on the limits because Stephen would never set any of his own, this private arrangement was taking some getting used to. But the more Stephen got comfortable with taking control, the more Jon liked it. It was deliciously freeing to be able to relax, to slide out of the boss role, even to let himself be a bit of a brat once in a while.

"Steeeephen," he wheedled, flopping down across the other man's startled lap. "Punish me. C'mon. You know you wa--"

He was cut off by a slightly panicky hand clamped over his mouth.

"Mmph," he finished, and concentrated on breathing through his nose as he looked placidly up at Stephen. Is that all you got?

Stephen swallowed, eyes still glittering, though Jon couldn't have said if it was from the streetlights or their own internal fire. "Will you -- beg for forgiveness?"

Arranging his face into his best 'helpless comedian' expression, Jon lifted one hand and reached plaintively towards Stephen's heart.

"Ohgod," gasped Stephen, a growl creeping into his voice as his hand tensed around Jon's jaw. "Oh, Jon, you're not going to be able to stand when I'm through with you."






(Anyone want a prompt? FINISH THIS.)

(Reposted for HTML fail.)
sirdrakesheirsirdrakesheir on September 22nd, 2009 01:09 am (UTC)
FDJSKALH YOU CAN'T JUST *STOP*!
;_______________;

ERIN


WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA
Re: FDJSKALH YOU CAN'T JUST *STOP*! - sailorptah on September 22nd, 2009 01:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sirdrakesheir on September 22nd, 2009 01:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sailorptah on September 22nd, 2009 01:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celli_puzzle on September 22nd, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - celli_puzzle on September 22nd, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sirdrakesheir on September 22nd, 2009 09:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - iamashamed on September 22nd, 2009 10:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sailorptah on September 23rd, 2009 05:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on September 23rd, 2009 09:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
X_X - sirdrakesheir on September 23rd, 2009 10:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: X_X - (Anonymous) on September 23rd, 2009 11:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: X_X - (Anonymous) on September 25th, 2009 12:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: X_X - sirdrakesheir on September 25th, 2009 01:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: X_X - (Anonymous) on September 25th, 2009 01:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: X_X - sirdrakesheir on September 25th, 2009 01:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
nelleellennelleellen on September 22nd, 2009 01:16 am (UTC)
Please, please
go on to post these on the main page!! We don't want to lose great stuff in the comment thread... :)
Jmie: Minejmie on September 22nd, 2009 02:59 am (UTC)
FUCK, I owe Lunchbox Jon and "Stephen" porn. Aaaaaand forgot about it.

Thank you for reminding me and this fic thingy is an adorable idea!

Luezah.iamashamed on September 22nd, 2009 10:02 pm (UTC)
THIS IS AN AWESOME IDEA! MUAHAHAHA:D
sirdrakesheirsirdrakesheir on September 23rd, 2009 12:24 am (UTC)
THANK aybara_max FOR IT!
(no subject) - iamashamed on September 23rd, 2009 12:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - aybara_max on September 23rd, 2009 05:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
The Sarcastic Typosarcasticsra on September 22nd, 2009 10:18 pm (UTC)
Let's see if this kills my writer's block. Prompts, anyone?
southerngaelic on September 22nd, 2009 10:32 pm (UTC)
Stephen/Jon/John Oliver, with Ollie in the middle, if that's not too much to ask ^_^
(no subject) - sarcasticsra on September 23rd, 2009 02:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sirdrakesheir on September 23rd, 2009 12:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sarcasticsra on September 23rd, 2009 02:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sirdrakesheir on September 23rd, 2009 02:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sarcasticsra on September 23rd, 2009 02:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sirdrakesheir on September 23rd, 2009 03:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sarcasticsra on September 23rd, 2009 03:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sirdrakesheir on September 23rd, 2009 03:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - iamashamed on September 23rd, 2009 12:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sailorptah on September 26th, 2009 07:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - hobbit_feet on September 23rd, 2009 03:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on September 22nd, 2009 11:52 pm (UTC)
IF THIS IS LIKE A KINK MEME
THEN HAVE AN ANONYMOUS PROMPT:

Jon brings all the attendant correspondents (and anyone else he can con into coming along) for taking-Stephen's-mind-off-of-it rollicking group sex. Or, heck, make it "Stephen" and turn it into a gangbang. You know he'd want it.

Bonus points if Allison gets some action as well. SHE CLEARLY DESERVES IT.

GET ON THAT, NATION.
Luezah.iamashamed on September 23rd, 2009 12:32 am (UTC)
Re: IF THIS IS LIKE A KINK MEME
I want to know who you are anon. I do have a suspicsion...
Jen Novataurenova on September 23rd, 2009 02:09 am (UTC)
Doing my duty, ma'am! *salutes* (Jon/Stephen Prons) 1/2
Evie answers the door and gives Jon a ‘I know why you’re here’ look that Jon returns with half a smile. She steps to one side and lets Jon into the room, trailing behind him.

Stephen is sitting at a table by the window. His jacket is over the back of the chair and his tie is undone, hanging lopsidedly around his neck, his shirt collar open and his hair ruffled out of place.

“Hey,” Jon says quietly, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

“Hey, Jon,” Stephen says, meeting Jon’s eyes briefly. Jon lets out a little breath.

“D’you think maybe I could borrow him for an hour?” Jon asks, tilting his head toward Evie. Evie holds Jon’s eyes for a long moment before nodding slowly.

Permission given.

“I’ll keep Tracey company,” Evie says and Jon nods. Evie crosses the room and bends over Stephen, pressing a long kiss to his forehead.

“Be good,” she says quietly, against his hair. Stephen nods and Evie makes a quiet exit.

“You didn’t have to come,” Stephen says, picking at an open shirt cuff.

“Yeah, I did,” Jon says, moving across the room to sit next to Stephen. “Steve was worried about you.”

“Only Steve?” Stephen raises an eyebrow at the table.

“Ed, too,” Jon shrugs. “My correspondents. Your writers. Chuck and Jimmy. My writers –”

“Very funny,” Stephen says, shaking his head. Jon covers one of Stephen’s hands with his.

“Me,” Jon says and Stephen finally looks up at him properly. He looks wrecked and tired and Jon hates to think that he’s responsible. If he could buy all the Emmys in the world for Stephen, he would.

Stephen leans in and kisses him, lips warm against Jon’s, and Jon tastes whiskey and beer. Jon tightens his hand on Stephen’s and raises his other to Stephen’s hair, threading through too short strands. Stephen lays a hand on Jon’s neck and strokes his jaw line with a thumb and Jon opens his mouth to Stephen. Stephen makes a soft sound against Jon’s lips, tongue sweeping out and in and Jon shifts forward on his seat.

“I sort of want to hate you right now,” Stephen says when he pulls back, half a smile on his lips.

“I don’t blame you,” Jon says, rubbing circles into Stephen’s scalp with his hand. “Give me a chance to make it up to you?”

“I know you’re a clever man, Jon,” Stephen says, looking Jon up and down once. “But I’m pretty sure you haven’t figured out a way to hide an Emmy in that tux.”

Jon giggles, turning his head to press a kiss to the palm of Stephen’s hand. He meets Stephen’s eyes again and catches the heat there.

“Are you waiting for permission?” Stephen arches his eyebrow. Jon grins.
Jen Novataurenova on September 23rd, 2009 02:12 am (UTC)
Doing my duty, ma'am! *salutes* (Jon/Stephen Prons) 2/2
He releases Stephen’s hand and lowers himself to his knees between Stephen’s legs. Stephen’s eyes widen only slightly as Jon runs his hands up Stephen’s thighs, resting them at his hips.

“I – I like the way you think,” Stephen says, reaching a hand out to brush through Jon’s hair.

“Yeah,” Jon says, smiling. “Thought you might.”

He makes short work of Stephen’s zip and with a little help from Stephen eases his pants and boxers down, freeing his cock. Jon runs a hand meditatively up Stephen’s cock, tracing a circle around the head with his thumb, and Stephen turns to liquid in the chair.

Jon smiles and presses a kiss against the inside of Stephen’s thigh before stretching up to take Stephen’s cock into his mouth. Stephen hisses and flexes his hand in Jon’s hair. Jon eases down as far as he can, flattening his tongue and making up the shortfall with his hand.

Jon’s good at this – has gotten good at this for Stephen – and it doesn’t take him long to get Stephen arching in the chair, thrusting up into Jon’s mouth. Jon holds Stephen’s eyes, knows that’s important to Stephen, and feels Stephen’s thighs tensing on either side of him.

Jon slides up, tonguing the head, and works a hand between Stephen’s legs to cup his balls.

“Fuck, Jon,” Stephen breathes, fingers flexing in Jon’s hair again. “I’m not gonna –”

Jon knows that Stephen’s not going to last long, intends him not to last long, speeds his movements, adding in a particular flair that makes Stephen shudder from head to toe. Jon feels Stephen tense all over and eases up, focusing on the head of Stephen’s cock, and with an exhaled Jon Stephen’s coming, holding Jon in place while Jon swallows.

“Holy fucking shit,” Stephen mumbles. “God. Fuck. I’m losing more often.”

Jon laughs as he pulls off, stroking a few more times to carry Stephen through. Stephen reaches a hand out and wipes the corner of Jon’s mouth, a curiously intimate movement that makes Jon shiver, and Jon slowly stands.

“Always glad to be of service,” he says, patting Stephen’s shoulder and exchanging a grin.

Jon’s stretching the fresh kink out of his back when Stephen tackles him onto the bed, leaning in to kiss him firmly and Jon’s certain Stephen can taste himself in Jon’s mouth.

“Hey,” Jon says as Stephen rubs a hand over his cock through his pants. “This isn’t supposed to be about me.”

“You want to make me happy?” Stephen asks, pressing a kiss under Jon’s jaw. Jon shivers.

“Always,” he says, turning his head to kiss Stephen’s temple.

“Then let me return the favour,” Stephen says, pulling Jon’s collar open and trailing a finger over his collarbone.

“Anything you want,” Jon says, arching his hips up into the delicious friction Stephen’s providing.

“Good,” Stephen kisses Jon again, smiling. “Thanks for wearing a tux, by the way.”

“It’s turned out to be totally worth it,” Jon admits. Stephen laughs again, burying his forehead against Jon’s shoulder.

Stephen doesn’t look so wrecked any more, hovering over Jon’s hips and smiling, and Jon unfurls a tiny Mission Accomplished banner in his mind.
shoebox_addict: Colbert/Stewartshoebox_addict on September 23rd, 2009 03:02 am (UTC)
I, um, posted a fic called "Consolation" over at both tds_rps and fakenews_fanfic if you guys wanna, you know, check it out, maybe? ;)
sirdrakesheirsirdrakesheir on September 23rd, 2009 03:16 am (UTC)
JON/STEPHEN: "Next time I'll probably just threaten to sic my boyfriend on them. He's a very important man, you know."
ntjnkentjnke on September 23rd, 2009 05:09 am (UTC)
PROMPT: As a silly lover's revenge for besting him, Stephen tells Jon that he has to strip. Slowly. Dancing is not optional.
That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!sailorptah on September 23rd, 2009 05:19 am (UTC)
The happyverse version!
Stephen fairly skipped up to the car, where Jon had been waiting with a fair sheen of trepidation. "I'm so happy for you!" he gushed, flinging his arms enthusiastically around Jon's shoulders. "Two new Emmys! You must be so proud! And letting one of the writers do the speech instead of you — oh, Jon, you are so classy."

"Couldn't do it without 'em," said Jon, rubbing his neck sheepishly as Stephen released him and smiled. "Hey, Stephen...are you okay?"

Stephen cocked his head in confusion as Jon opened the door and waved him in. "Why wouldn't I be?"

It was a fair question. In all the years Jon had known him, Stephen had never shown more than a glimmer of distress, always shallow and evaporating as quickly as a puddle after a rainstorm. Maybe it was just Jon's unquenchable pessimism, but he couldn't shake the feeling that, one of these days, Stephen was due to snap.

"Well, uh, your people have done great work this year too," he said carefully. "And, frankly, you deserve a lot more recognition than you're getting."

Was Stephen actually humming? "Oh, Jon, we don't do it for the recognition! It would be nice, of course, but the joy of the work is its own reward!"

Jon sighed, slumping against the leather and putting a hand over his eyes. Stephen was all sunshine and flowers, and experience told him there was no point in wading through it in search of something deeper. "Still, it would be all right if it started to get you down after a while."

He was expecting the other man to move cheerfully on, so Jon nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a touch on his thigh. Somehow Stephen had appeared right beside him, sudden and silent, looking fretfully up at him with those big round Disney-princess eyes.

"H-hey there," stammered Jon, his gaze tracing the curve of Stephen's pout.

"Jon," said Stephen, managing to look remarkably solemn for a man wearing a white tuxedo and a sparkly pink tie, "why is it so hard for you to be happy?"

"Uh." Jon broke into his trademark self-effacing laugh. "Well, I am Jewish, you know."

Stephen pursed his lips as he took this in. "But still," he declared at last. "My team created a lot of great shows, and we had fun doing it, and sure, it would have been nice to get a shiny trophy, but there's always next year! And you — your people did get trophies, and after all the hard work you've done, all the joy you've brought into people's lives...." He squeezed Jon's leg for emphasis. "You deserved it. All of you. And you should be so proud of yourselves."

To his surprise, Jon realized the corners of his mouth were twitching. Not only that, the instant he decided to stop holding back, his face split all at once past the self-consciously closed-lipped smile he offered the cameras and into a broad, lopsided, ridiculously giddy grin.

"We did good," he admitted, face reddening at his own sudden intensity.

Stephen fairly bounced in his seat. "Yay!" he trilled, clapping his hands and pressing a chaste kiss to Jon's cheek. "It always makes me happy when you're happy, Jon!"

Taking a slow, steadying breath, Jon let himself bask in the unfamiliar glow. Joy. The good stuff, too: not soured by guilt, or a sense of unworthiness, or that self-preserving instinct that insisted he never get his hopes up too high.

It was kind of nice.

"We did good," he repeated quietly, and Stephen hugged him and bubbled on about how he was just so proud, and Jon thought that maybe, just maybe, he could get used to this.
sirdrakesheirsirdrakesheir on September 23rd, 2009 10:33 pm (UTC)
Re: The happyverse version!
THIS "STEPHEN" IS MY FAVORITE. HIS DISNEY-PRINCESS EYES, HEE! ♥_♥

MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT, BEING IN A BIG CITY, HE CAN NEVER CONCOCT A PLOT TO PUT ON A SHOW TO SAVE THE TOWN FROM FORECLOSURE OR SOMETHING, AS IS CLEARLY HIS DESTINY

BUT MAYBE HE CAN STILL LIKE, BAKE COOKIES FOR A BAKE SALE TO BUILD THE ORPHANS A NEW PLAYGROUND, IDK
Re: The happyverse version! - sailorptah on September 24th, 2009 01:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: The happyverse version! - sirdrakesheir on September 24th, 2009 01:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: The happyverse version! - sailorptah on September 24th, 2009 04:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!sailorptah on September 23rd, 2009 05:29 am (UTC)
Help!
I have three versions of the limo ride down now - Liberalverse, happy!verse, and sailorjon 'verse - but of course, for a proper Five Times, you need five. (That's just logic, Jon.)

Anyone want to nominate candidates for the last two? They can be canon AUs, or fic 'verses I've written, or 'verses that other people have written but given the rest of the world permission to write in, or...I don't know, whatever else you can think of. I trust in the creativity of the masses!
The Sarcastic Typosarcasticsra on September 23rd, 2009 07:16 am (UTC)
Re: Help!
What about the regular "Stephen" 'verse? You can borrow Needverse if you want. Or r!Stephen? Or...um, lol, translate it to Senateverse somehow? ("The Emmys completely snubbed poor Mike Huckabee. That's what he gets for upholding traditional, conservative values. I told you they were godless, Jon." -- "You know his show is satirical, right?") Haha, IDK.
Re: Help! - sailorptah on September 24th, 2009 01:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Help! - sarcasticsra on September 24th, 2009 01:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Help! - sailorptah on September 26th, 2009 07:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Help! - sirdrakesheir on September 24th, 2009 01:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Help! - sirdrakesheir on September 23rd, 2009 10:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
The great work begins...ceilidh_ann on September 23rd, 2009 02:04 pm (UTC)
Great idea, somebody please prompt me!
sirdrakesheirsirdrakesheir on September 23rd, 2009 08:15 pm (UTC)
THERE ARE A COUPLE FREE PROMPTS UP ALREADY, I THINK, IF YOU'D LIKE ONE